SasuNaru Crack
by SkittleHeart and LadyAngel
Summary: Pure Crack fic! The war if Sasuke had fought Naruto and not brought back the Kage and if they had their final fight. List of warnings inside. SASUNARU SASUNARUSASUNARU! and bits of Sasodei. Dedicated to Sasunaru day and comic con.


**Authors Note: **This is a crack fic one shot dedicated to the recent London anime con where I got to dress up as Deidara! And met some really cool other Naruto fans including a Konan that supported SASUNARU! It's also dedicated to SasuNaru day which was yesterday but I couldn't finish in time:( I hope you enjoy it and I hate to sound fangirl needy but pleaseeeeeeee review.

**WARNING**: contains yaoi, swearing, Sasuke, character deaths, ressurrections, wellies, AKATSUKI3 and 3SASUNARU3. Was supposed to be serious but I'm kinda incapable of being serious in fanfiction... so enjoy.

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own Naruto or SASUNARU WOULD BE HAPPENING AND THE PUBLISHERS WOULD HAVE TO GET THE HELL OVER IT. I would also like to take the opportunity to say I myself was not high whilst writing it.

**NARUTO POV**

Obito and Madara looked smugly down from the cliff I swear those bastards were smirking as I looked down at Neji's lifeless body. I vaguely felt Kurama take over and shout something at Obito but I didn't really acknowledge it. Kyuubi all of a sudden nudged me the same time as Hinata slapped me in the face.

"WAKE UP NARUTO!" Hinata shouted at me through tears of her own. "Neji-nii san he would want us to fight on we will mourn after we kick this guy's ass!" She grasped my hand and Kuruama nodded his agreement.

I let Hinata and Kurama drag me out of my darkened state I felt an immediate gratitude for the pair of them how Hinata could support me after Neji her beloved cousin had just died right in front of her... Well she was stronger than I had thought.

Kurama on the other hand being supportive had shocked me well because he had never really cared about anything before I squeezed Hinata's hand and smiled up at Kurama albeit the smile was watery but it was the best I could do.

"Thank you Hinata, Kurama your right." I spoke softly before bellowing, "YOU HEAR THAT YOU BASTARDS WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL NEJI'S GOAL HAS BEEN ACHIEVED I WON'T LOSE ANY MORE OF MY FRIENDS! YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR LIVES!" I half screamed half shouted the nine-tails cloak swirled around enveloping first Hinata then twirling to Kakashi and Gai before it boomed outwards and swallowed everyone.

"Omg I feel even more powerful and sexy than usual don't you Shikamaru? Chouji?" Ino squealed.

"Ooooh so its the nine tails fox chakra that makes Naruto act high all the time..." Kakashi commented as Shikamaru and Chouji facepalmed.

Ignoring them I charged at the man newly discovered as Obito, as Hinata sent a chakra enhanced air palm at Madara. "YOU WILL PAY FOR NEJI'S LIFE WITH YOUR OWN." I screamed Raesengan flying through the air before blue sparks shot before my eyes disabling it and sending me crashing to the ground promptly swallowing a mouthful of dirt.

"Ah Sasuke finally made it did you?" Madara drawled. So he had arrived I thought spitting the dirt and pulling a worm out of my mouth. I mean seriously I know he's meant to be evil and everything but... I lost my train of thought as I stared into the dead coal eyes I had been glaring into since our academy days.

Who would've thought I would end up chasing him halfway across the Earth? Who would've thought he would have left me alive long enough so I could chase him halfway across the Earth then again I personally would have thought he would have run off with a pedo who would eventually convince him a butt bow was fashionable.

Typical Sasuke style he ignored Madara and instead focused all his attention on the thing currently in the way of his revenge. In this case me. "Naruto." He addressed me in his usual cold tone but I heard the anticipatation in his voice he had been looking forward to this truthfully so had I. No spar was quite as thrilling as the ones we had had as mere children.

"Sasuke." I said smiling slightly the smile meant bring it on bastard. Finally I would take his hatred from him once and for all. I had regrets of course everyone who knows death is staring them in the face does (literally in this case seriously he's like a cat he never blinks) they wouldbe lying if they said they didn't. I hadn't become Hokage I had failed to achieve mine and my parents dreams and I'm pretty sure when I made Sakura the promise to bring the teme back to the village she hadn't imagined it would be in a body bag.

But I thought amusedly even if I should by all rights hate the man that would be the death of me (again literally). Even though I should hate those coal black eyes that even now had hatred and pain coursing through them I didn't. Even if I have to kill him to kill his hatred, to give up my own life just so he can die whole I still...

"TO GET REVENGE FOR YOUR BROTHER'S MISTREATMENT SASUKE, YOU MUST KILL THE LIGHT OF KONOHA THE MAN WHO DEFENDS THE VILLAGE THAT SACRIFICED YOUR BROTHER AND ENTIRE FAMILY FOR NOTHING MORE THAN THEIR OWN PREJUDICE!" Obito shouted to Sasuke from the cliff snapping me out of my reverie. About to shout the first thing that came into my head about the ass known as Obito.

"I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR YOU TWO SO SHUT THE HELL UP I AM THE KING OF REVENGE I DON'T NEED YOU TWO CHEERLEADERS IN THE BACKGROUND. I FOLLOW NO ONE THEY FOLLOW ME SASUKE UCHIHA!" Sasuke snapped coldly at him.

But I didn't hate him I returned to my prior thoughts that is why those regrets meant nothing to me in comparison. He is Sasuke and I am Naruto and somehow that means I would die for him a thousand times over. Like somehow our lives were always entwined with each other I have so many bonds now. But he was my first if you ignore Iruka he was the only one who never gave a crap if the Kyuubi was inside me. He hated me sure but he hated plain old dead last, pain in the ass Naruto Uzumaki. Who challenged him everyday, glared at him intermittedly throughout every class and somewhere along the way he became my most important person.

In the background I saw Sai nudge Sakura, "Sakura chan Naruto's impression of Sasuke was dead on! He just quoted the little speech Naruto..." Sakura covered Sai's mouth with her hand shaking her head.

Sasuke looked from Sai to me I chuckled nervously and shrugged all of a sudden I remembered something angrily I turned to Obito, "OI DID YOU JUST CALL ME THE LIGHT OF KONOHA! I'M NARUTO UZUMAKI! NA-RU-TO UZU-MA-KI! I'M NOT SOME FREAKING FAIRY YOU CREEP! DATTEBAYO!" I huffed angrily.

Sasuke rubbed his fingers on his forehead, "Dobe indoor voice how many times have we discussed this in the past besides you are a 'freaking fairy' as you so eloquently put it."

"TEME! I AM NOT A FAIRY!" I shouted at him. Forget all that fluffy stuff that emo freak teme is a pain in my backside not the other way around! Well I still meant it but but i would like to add teme is also a teme!

"Firstly. Indoor voice! Secondly oh yes you are a fairy. 'Ohhh Sasuke come back to Konoha with me teehee teehee'. Sasuke rolled his eyes trying to be his usual I'm an evil cold bastard but he totally failed the minute he said teehee.

I snickered as everyone else pulling comical disturbed faces, "Teehee Sasuke really? Whose the fairy now?" I stuck my tongue out we were back to being the two genins always trying to one up each other.

"That was for the sake of an accurate Impression!" He scowled. Wooooo facial reaction from Sasuke 1 point to Naruto! Scratch that I made him say teehee Naruto 2 Sasuke NIL!

Sai who had successfully managed to pry Sakura's hand away from his mouth was clapping his hands gleefully, "Hey Sasuke-kun does a good impression of Naruto!" Sakura facepalmed.

"Are you two going to fight? Or just stand there arguing about fairies. Sasuke you must kill him for all the Uchiha's!" Madara interrupted the mood died instantly I saw Sasuke's face eclipse any light or humour in his face dissapeared.

Sasuke tensed his hand reached for his katana. I felt my own smile slip away. "Sasuke you can still turn back we don't have to die like this." I told him looking into the now blood red sharingan I thought I saw a flash of reluctance for a few seconds before that sadistic look marred his features yet again.

"Scared of dying still Naruto huh?" He brought his katana in front of him as I glanced around the dingy room at my friends for what I knew would be the last time.

"No I told you I would let you take all of your darkness, all that hatred out on me andl I meant it." I told him smiling as I made the hand signs for the shadow clone jutsu.

"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed.

I turned to face her wincing seeing the tears brimming in her eyes this probably sounds really sadistic but her eyes look really pretty even greener when she's about to cry, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise Sakura but I will look after Sasuke in heaven okay? Everyone defeat Madara for me okay Kakashi I'm relying on you to sort out Obito I beleive in you all and no matter what look after each other okay?" I offered Sakura and Sai one last watery smile before turning back to Sasuke.

His Sharingan had gone into the Mangekyo sharingan and he sliced at me with his sword before shadow clones launched at him from all angles giving me the opportunity to dodge and send a blow towards his face. Vaguely I was aware of the Kages arrival, of all my comrades fighting for their lives against Madara and Obito but as always my fight with Sasuke had my full attention.

He neatly dodged the shadow clones, "Amertarasu!" Sasuke commanded setting all of the clones aflame. From the hollowed rock I finished my transformation into sage modeas Sasuke's fist flew at my head.

I caught it in my hand and threw him backwards i launched my own blow to his head which he blocked and he flung a kick towards my stomach his foot grazed me as I elbowed his knee joint causing him to swear and jump backwards.

His hands furiously made signs, "Phoenix flower jutsu!" Red flames shot from all directions at me.

"Kuruama absorb the flames!" I shouted.

"You know you really should develop some sort of defensive technique." Kuruama grumbled in his low voice absorbing the flames.

"I probably should but it's your own fault for making sure I heal so fast that I'm never particularly concerned about injuries." I grinned cheekily at him.

"Never mind that now kitt keep your eyes on that Uchiha not that its ever been a problem for you." Kuruama grumbled absorbing another wave of flames.

"What is that meant to mean Ku..." I began angrily before being interrupted.

"So you made friends with the fox inside you huh Naruto?" Sasuke stated curiously before making complicated hand signs I didn't recognise a new move maybe?

"Dattebayo I can't keep up with two conversations at once and fight!" I complained weaving my own signs knowing Sasuke he was getting bored of playing around and wanted to get serious.

"Well you are a blonde dobe so just focus on the dying!" Sasuke growled truimpantly and a red skull demon thing appeared around him his mangekyo sharingan spinning wildly.

"Kuruama what the hell is that thing!" I exclaimed watching the kyuubi's eyes widen.

"The ultimate shield whose power rivals that of the tailed beast! Naruto stay out of range or ..." Kuruama began to explain but I charged at it with the tailed beast bomb Sasuke smirked at me a hand came out of nowhere and made contact with the bomb the impact sent me flying backwards into kyuubi.

"Well now that was stupid even for you!" Kuruama commented I heard a crack part of his 'ultimate shield' had cracked for a second I saw Sasuke's shocked expression and smirked at him.

"See it worked!" I stuck my tongue out at the pair of them.

"Not really kitt." Kyuubi smirked.

"For a millisecond dobe!" Sasuke facepalmed.

"Facepalm at my stupidity all you want I bet Itachi has given himself brain damage by now at all the times you've done stupid things!" I snapped Sasuke predictably growled and charged at me shield in place.

"Now you've done it! Rakiri!" Lighting crashed above my head I stood still and it never hit.

"WHAT!" Sasuke looked outraged.

"First of all theres metal pipes above that you burst earlier they absorbed most of it second of all..." I stuck my leg in the air and wiggled my foot at him, "I'm wearing wellies!" I grinned at him I think I saw Kakashi and Obito drop their Kunai in the background and sweatdrop.

Sasuke just looked at me blankly for a second before charging again with his Katana this time I ran to him with a Kunai. "Naruto the freaking shield!" Kuruama shouted.

"Really Kuruama freaking? I would have taken you for a swearer?" Gaara who had just been thrown back by the ten tails as he had tried to pull shikaku out commented.

"Just because I'm a demon I have to swear really for a Kazekage your a very prejudice little man!" Kyuubi humphed before running alongside me. He took the hands of the shield as mine and Sasuke's blades clashed before Sasuke swiped downwards. Confused I jumped back beofre tripping over on my now ruined orange wellies.

"TEME THESE COST £10!" Sasuke looked at me.

"Pauper please shoes should cost at least £100! I did you a favour." Suddenly there was a loud crash jolting us out of what would have become a very heated debate about Uchiha smug rich bastardness (try saying that after a night out with Tsunade). Kuruama and Sasuke's shield had fallen to the floor I could see the Kyuubi was getting tired and Sasuke's shield was faltering.

There was a loud poof and Kuruama was back inside me and the shield dissapeared. _'Sorry kit I'm drained retreat we can finish that prick another time.' _

_'Kuruama rest I can take care of Sasuke' _I told him gently as Sasuke's hand began to glow blue as I weaved the signs for a shadow clone and began rotating the raesengan.

_'STOP YOU'LL DIE!' _Kuruama growled furiously inside me.

"It's going to be okay Kuruama." I told him more for myself. "It's kinda funny you know Sasuke we learned all these new jutsu's because we were going to face each other but in the end we always resort back to this. Chidori and Raesengan." I began to charge.

"Hn dobe." He smirked a little before charging Chidori in hand. We collided someway through midair suddenly I had a flashback to him and that ugly as hell looking curse mark the same eyes were looking at me now ones filled with curiousity, with pain and something else I couldn't place.

Light flooded around us and our hands slipped into each others chests creating their final wound on the other a big boom knocked everyone backwards and we fell to the floor side by side.

"Thank you. " I heard him say.

**Sasuke POV**

"Thank you." I heard myself say. Why was I thanking him for killing me? I guess he delivered on his promise I threw all the hatred I had at him and the dobe just dealt with it. He's weird like that no matter what I do he just clings on and in a non obtrusive way is there for me.

I looked over at him he was as shocked to hear me say thank you as I was to say it. Well Uchiha's don't say thank you but the guy died to help me so I guess in this instance it was okay. I saw him smile at me why the hell is he smiling he is going to die because of me he extended a bloodied hand to me.

I looked at it curiously, "The shinobi symbol of respect and good fight. We never managed it in all our years fighting maybe we can now we are about to die." I smirked and linked my two fingers with his. Warmth spread through me take it I'm still in love with the dobe after all these years.

I opened my mouth to tell him that but instead, "I'm suprised a blonde bimbo dead last can even remember that far back I thought you had the memory of a goldfish that swims once around a bowl and forgot everything." came out.

"Teme do you always have to be such a bastard!" Naruto shouted coughing up blood punching me on the arm.

He glared at me I glared back and somewhere in between we started laughing. I genuinely laughed for the first time since I left the leaf village blood was spluttering from my throat but I didn't pay it any attention.

"Looks like you win our last bet teme." Naruto smiled at me sadly.

Suddenly the Kyuubi was in front of us, "Naruto put me back in now!" It demanded.

"No sense in both of us dying Kuruama look after the leaf for me I'm entrusting it to you." Sakura ran up to us tears dripping down her face.

"INO! HELP ME! HOLD ON NARUTO!" She screamed frantically tried to heal the gaping hole in Naruto's chest he took her hand in the one he had spare he tried to lift the other one but I wouldn't let it go fear froze me in place and I wouldn't let him go. Insane seeing as I'm the one that was so intent on killing him.

Naruto clasped her hand in his shaking his head sadly. "It's okay Sakura chan just always live on for me okay? I will always be with you guiding every Kunai you and everyone of our friends help Kyuubi look after them okay." She managed to nod a strangled sob escaping her.

"I don't want to win!" I blurted out as he faced me.

"Too bad Uchiha, I'm glad you came back before you died to see you the real you once before I died."

"Naruto You can't I lo-"

"He's gone." Sakura said in a dead tone. He died with a smile on his face just like Itachi. SHIT WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND KILLING PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT!

"DOBE WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU CAN'T DIE YOU NEVER DIE!" I screamed at him. There was a weird tingling sensation in my ribs I knew they were trying to heal me but I also knew they were too late I didn't bother with goodbyes everyone I truly cared about was dead what was the point.

It stung I wouldn't see the dobe he would be in heaven and the only way I was headed was down. I had just one thing to say if he really was watching from heaven, then again God might be a fangirl as well I am a uchiha after all so I might see him, "Dobe, I love you."

Hey look at that there really is a light I moved towards it all my memories strangely only my good ones floating around me most of them weren't suprisingly of my family but of my genin team days. I guess I never knew how happy I was back then all of a sudden I was enveloped in a white light and there they were.

"And so the ramen I had before I left the leaf was on the house isn't that amazing!" Naruto was exclaiming to my amused looking brother and some other red head that looked fascinated.

"Hello foolish little brother." Itachi said even though he had his back to me he is impossible! He really does have eyes in the back of his head. Even though he is blind at least I suppose I would beat him in an eye test.

"YOU LET ME WIN YOU COP OUT!" I shouted.

"And you think my little cousin is loud your brother has got a set of pipes himself Uchiha." The red head commented ruffling Naruto's hair who grinned up at him.

"Told you I am the quiet one of team 7 Nagato-nii." Naruto stuck his tongue out at me.

Everyone turned to look at him, "Really dobe? Really?"

"Yes Teme really!" He said ang"Really this coming from the one known as the number one loud knucklehead unpredictible ninja?" I pointed out.

"Sooooo Itachi how many times has Sasuke made you facepalm what with his stripper fashion sense, his addiction to following around power-hungry pedo's, let's kill the village for enjoying your peace even though that's what you wanted and on top of that killing the awesomeness that is us?" Naruto asked my brother slinging his arm around his shoulder shocking him for a second before he smiled at him. Unbeliavable he was trying to steal Naruto since when did those two become that close I seethed.

"Enough times to justify hitting myself to give myself brain damage as you commented earlier." Naruto blushed.

"So you heard that did you?" He mumbled well he thought he mumbled but of course Naruto mumbling is a normal indoor voice. Wait I was so busy internally insulting Naruto I only just heard what Itachi said I knew immediatly from that smirk that he had heard everything...

"Yes don't worry though Naruto Sasuke managed to embarrass himself more." The one Naruto called Nagato began smirking to Itachi. SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!

"ITACHI DON'T YOU DARE!" I screamed.

Itachi laughed manically, "How about it Nagato wanna do a little reannactment with me?" As Nagato caught me thowing me to Naruto he''s prety

"Sure Itachi, hold Sasuke for me will you Naruto I promise you will get good blackmail out of it." Nagato smirked.

"Sure Naga-nii." He pinned me against the wall his abs pressed into the back of my shirt I felt flushed and hot all of a sudden I'm definitly going to be into bondage I mused. I was just about to well it's best not to think about what I was about to do before Itachi interrupted.

Somehow they had a stage surrounded by roses, "CHIDORI RASAEGAN!" They shouted at the same time but instead of hitting each other they hugged and fell to the floor.

Itachi brushed hair out of Nagato's face. "Oh Naruliet I'm so sorry and in love with you I must insult because I clearly have issues."

"IN WHAT DATTEBAYO?!" Naruto exclaimed dropping me to the floor.

"Please don't interrupt Naruliet we are in the middle of production." Itachi shhed me Nagato took his hand.

"Saskeo I would die for you a thousand times over! I'm so glad we are dying together like the pathetically hopelessly in love teenagers we are. I am just too completely oblivious to notice our feelings. Now I'm going to die before you mwhaha." Nagato said in soft high voice cuddling 'Saskeo's' hand before making gurgling dramatically and 'dying'.

"NARULIET COME BACK TO ME BABY! I LOVE YOU I NEVER CONFESSED WHEN YOU ARE ALIVE SO I WILL GET REVENGE ON MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I'M THE ONE THAT KILLED YOU I WILL SEE YOU SOON MY SWEET SWEET SUNSHINE!" Itachi shouted clearly either heaven fed you crack or he was really getting a kick out of my romantic struggles.

"Er Sasuke what did they mean by that?" Naruto asked confusedly.

"What did they mean by I would die a thousand times for you!" I countered quickly.

"That I would die a thousand times for you duh." He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Did you really confess your undying love to me and kill yourself over me?" He asked.

I opened my mouth to and closed it luckily blonde hair and a black cloak flew between us.

"SASORI NO DANNA ART IS FLEETING THERE IS NO NEED TO THROW ME JUST BECAUSE YOU BETRAYED YOUR OWN ART LIKE THE SISSY MOMMA'S BOY YOU ARE!" The one who tried to kill me Deidara I think his name was shouted accepting a hand up from Nagato.

"Shut up brat you tripped and fell threw the air that's not my fault it's yours for beliving art is fleeting when and I am NOT A MOMMA's Boy!" Another red haired walked into the room lazily if I hadn't seen the guy fly through the air myself I probably would have believed him.

"Hey Sasori," Nagato said happily Itachi dusted himself off and nodded to Sasori. "I thought your family didn't want you to come here to see us anymore?"

"Yeah well a certain brat kept scribbling on my mirrors that art was fleeting so I said I would come down for the day if he quit stalking me like the obsessive fangirl he is." Sasori said calmly.

"SAYS THE ONE WHO TATOOED ART IS ETERNAL OVER MY CHEST MOUTH WHEN I WAS SLEEPING! YOUR SO FULL OF SHIT DANNA ART IS FLEETING!" Maybe all blondes lack the ability to use an indoor voice? Maybe it was because all 3 of his mouths were shouting in anger.

"I deny it all ART IS ETERNAL!" Sasori voice got deeper.

"Okay okay before you two get all sexually tense and angsty with each other I need to get my brother with his future husband before they end up in blatant denial for years like you two." Itachi complained.

"Itachi you're dead please for God's sake stop messing in my life." I complained Deidara turned and finally saw me.

Growling he launched himself at me in an attempt to attack suddenly Sasori had his arms and restrained him. "Get over your obsession with the Uchiha brat we're dead now but Itachi will dismember you if you attack his brother." Deidara looked him in the eye and huffed before glaring at me.

"Now back to the more important things Sasuke kiss Naruto to make him realise his feelings for you." Itachi commanded.

"Where the hell do you get this crap from Itachi?" I asked him bewildered.

"Fanfiction, youtube, deviant art, films if you want your lives back then you will do as I say!" Itachi rambled on I was too busy looking at Naruto's lips ah what the hell Itachi was usually right about these things.

"Naruto," I said in a deep voice before pressing my lips to his he made a startled sound and I stepped back smirking.

"Hey look Danna he's redder than your hair." Deidara commented turning to Sasori who scoffed. "What is it danna?"

"You people call that a kiss?" Sasori asked a disbelieving look on his face.

"What do you call it?" I asked offended, "Not like you could do any better."

He roughly grabbed Deidara and swung him around running his hands through his hair I watched as they melted into it Deidara swinging his legs round Sasori's waist before the red head had him pushed against the wall tongues darting everywhere.

Everyone waited for them to break it off after 5 minutes I gave up it looked fun I was about to pull Naruto back in when Itachi who was evidently on crack because I've never heard him say so much at a time in my life felt the need to once again interrupt.

"So Sasuke looks like you fail if a puppet is more capable than you." My brother taunted. His death was not painful enough I decided.

"Aww don't be mean Sasuke is okay at kissing." Naruto said sympathetically. Sympathetically! How dare he!

"Ok? Just okay?!" I yelled at Naruto who shrugged. A loud moan interrupted me we all turned round to see the 'artists' grappling each others hair as their shirts fell to the floor in shreds.

Nagato pulled out a fire extinguisher and sprayed them. "FOR GODS SAKE GET A ROOM!" He yelled.

Sasori grinned shepishly before leading deidara out of the room. He was not sheepish enough however to take his hands off of the other guys ass as he was doing so.

Itachi turned back to me, "Now look foolish brother it's like this," Another moan sounded from the hallway I guess they couldn't make it to the room.

"If you wanna keep it PG." He added he twisted Nagato'sface towards his before biting his lips and meshing their mouths together running his hand down his back and pulling him in. Nagato twisted his hands through Itachi's hair pressing into him and twisting his head for better access with a sadistic smirk on his face.

Okay so what i got from this was contort yourself into funny shapes, make a load of noise and touch every part of the other person while pulling a funny face.

Grabbing Naruto by the waist mimicking my brother i grabbed his face before he promptly slapped my hand. "WHY ARE YOU PINCHING MY CHEEKS FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ROUND IN THAT DUCK BUTT!" He demanded.

I aimed a punch at him which he blocked smiling. "Naruto." He aimed a kick for my face I blocked it with my elbow.

"Yes teme." I twisted his arm behind his back.

"I'm only going to say this once." I told him firmly as he launched a roundhouse kick at me.

"Okay." He looked serious as he sucker punched me he punched so sexily.

I threw him over my shoulder and onto the ground like in the final valley he lay face up temporarily stunned. "I love you, I love it when say your stupid corny things, I love how you understand me without me having to say anything, I love the way we insult and hit each other, I love the..."

"Sasuke," Naruto interrupted me smiling, "I love you too you sad, soppy teme." He pulled my head down to his and i kissed him gently my arms wrapped around him. The kiss deepened heat pooled in my stomach and I pulled Naruto closer biting his lip and enveloping his toungue with my own.

Naruto leant into me his hands in my hair and I pulled him closer my tongue had little dancing sparks on it I couldn't decide if I felt slight pain when our lips parted and decided that Naruto had some sort of witchy voodoo tongue.

His gentle smile awakened the first genuine smile on my face for well at least since I had left the village. Itachi was commenting in the background but for once I ignored my foolish older brother in favour of looking at a dobe that had stalked me for 3 years seriously couldn't he have done that sooner.

I pulled him back in wanting more of the substance more addicting than revenge. This time we knew exactly how to fit each other and just as I was nibbling his lips a mans scream ran out through the air.

A blue streak barged past Naruto pushing him on top of me I had half a mind to continue but the screams were distracting Naruto. "THERE BACK THOSE FUCKERS ITACHI HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME!" A blue fish screamed at my meddlesome older brother.

"Where is it Kisame?" My brother asked kindly.

"There it is." Nagato commented boredly pointing to a small flying bug one leg trailing behind longer than the others.

"AHH!" He screamed jumping into nii-sans arms seriously what idiots was he hanging around with?

Naruto took off my skirt thing and hit the thing repeatedly until there was just one big smush on the carpet. "NARUTO THAT WAS MY SKIRT!"

"Exactly it solved mine and Kisame's problem." He smiled goofily at me.

"I like your brothers husband Itachi. You were right they are perfect together maybe he'll convince him to get a decent haircut next." Kisame/ fishboy commented smiling his spiky teeth at nii-san.

"Itachi!" I fumed bright red, "Why did you say me and dobe are married."

Itachi shrugged and made a sign to Naruto all of a sudden my lips were crushed by ramen tasting ones. And Itachi could say whatever the hell he wanted. He was loving this. My tongue roamed Naruto's mouth again and just as I pulled him in.

"I KNEW IT!" A familiar voice screamed Neji stood in the doorway.

"Naruto you should have told me I taught you completely the wrong lessons!" Naruto's sensei exclaimed. Naruto ran over to them and hugged them talking animatedly to them and to a red head and the fourth who had just joined them.

He looked so happy he glanced back as if to check me and Itachi wouldn't try and throttle each other I nodded a sign I was on my best behaviour.

"AWWW SASUKE I AM SO HAPPY YOU FINALLY CAME OUT!" My mother stood in the doorway before running to me my father in tow.

"We're so proud of you for trying to avenge us." My father told me in a serious tone. I hugged them cying. "But please stop now cos seriously it's kinda out of hand even for a Uchiha."

I half sobbed half laughed "You got it!"

All of a sudden another set of angry shrieks ran through the air. The blonde guy that blows stuff up ran in with a red was that curtain? Around his waist was being chased by a middle aged couple. "WE TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM OUR SON AND WE FIND YOU ON TOP OF HIM ON OUR SOFA!"

"IN MY DEFENCE HE'S THE ONE THAT SAID HE COULDN'T MAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM!" Bomb boy shouted. Deciding that I was never going to get any peace and quiet in this place I spoke to my parents anyway.

"Mother, father do you approve of my wish to marry the dobe?" I asked calmly apprently they were used to this as they ignored all the drama too.

My mother smiled, "Nothing would make me happier than to see my boy happy. You might want to ask the blonde man and the redhead he's their son. Kushina and Minato."

I nodded my thanks and turned to my father, "Well it's the shame about the Uchiha line but who knows Mpreg may one day be possible and if anyone can find a way it is a Uchiha."

I guess that was as good as I was going to get now for the most important opinion. I looked into a mirror, "Sasuke do you think you should marry the dobe?"

"Well Sasuke though we are totally out of his league we do love him with all of our hearts so I guess so." I replied to my oh so gorgeous reflection.

"He's a lucky man that Naruto." My reflection told me.

"I know." I replied with a smirk Itachi facepalmed. He really was going to end up injuring himself one of these days foolish older brother.

"Mr and Mrs Uzumaki can I have a word with you?" I asked kissing Naruto's cheek.

"Sure, but our surname is Namikaze." The blonde man said politely. Sure but we all know who wears the trousers in this relationship I thought looking at a redheaded woman version of Naruto.

"I would like your permission to marry your son." I asked gently.

"MY SON!" The man started but Kushina stopped him.

"Sasuke do you promise you will look after him every day and night?" She asked firmly.

"With my life." I answered not missing a beat.

"Do you promise to love him forever?" She asked.

"I do." She started to smile.

"Then yes." She smiled properely and the blonde man began to splutter an objection.

"Minato I will look after your son." I looked him in the eye and promised him firmly.

"YOUR THE ONE THAT KILLED HIM!" He shouted.

"Geez Minato that was so an hour ago can't you tell he loves him. We all make mistakes and for him its not to late to fix it." Kushina complained.

"I understand his point I would be so angry if someone killed the dobe but I will make an oath to protect him from now on. Wait how is it not too late we're dead." I asked Kushina.

"That, foolish little brother is because we have enough combined chakra to send you back down to defeat Obito which is why everyone is gathered here." My foolish older brother told me with a smile walking up to me and ruffling my hair I glared up at him. "And didn't you forget to ask for my permission to marry Naruto?"

"Didn't you forget to ask for my permission before you killed our entire family?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Touche." He conceeded with a nod before hugging Naruto with a 'welcome to our family'.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE I WASN'T RAPING YOUR SON HE WAS THE ONE WHO STUCK IT UP..." The Deidara person was shouting before a flash of red appeared beside him and covered his mouth.

Sasori looked Deidara in the eye which seemed to calm him down I tried to do that with Naruto who was currently being loud as hell with Kushina about ramen. But he just looked creeped out and I wanted him to have some family time before we headed back so I plonked down next to Itachi and decided to watch the rest of the show with him, fishboy, skinny redhead/Nagato and two new people who were sat next to skinny redhead chatting animatedly to him.

"Mum, Dad I know you don't like Deidara and I understand your point the he-she can be rather annoying at times," an irritated squeak came from the blonde as Itachi passed me the popcorn oooh salted nice, "But I have grown fond of it so please accept my decision."

"NO SASORI YOU WILL MARRY A NICE NON TERRORIST WOMAN WHO LOVES YOU AND DOESN'T TRY AND BLOW STUFF UP!" The woman shouted.

"But he appreciated my art and I'm a criminal too he indulged my darkness and supported my light like it or not he is my other half if he was normal I would never have liked him. He is him and I am I." Sasori told his parents that last bit was good I would remember that.

His parents gaped in shock as did blondie. "Now as we have that cleared up I will be going back to Deidara's tonight. See you later." He started to pull the bright red boy along with him.

I got up deciding they were going to be of no further amusement to me. "So Itachi how does this sending us back thing work?" I asked.

"Well stand next to each other and we will create a hole in the space between earth and wherever the hell we are keep ahold of each other so you get back safely." I nodded before taking Naruto's hand.

"Come on dobe let's get back we have an evil Uchiha that even my foolish older brother couldn't defeat to kill and planning for our wedding to do." I told him pulling him along.

"WEDDING?" Naruto screamed. "I DON'T RECALL ASKING YOU TO MARRY ME!"

"Well duh your the uke I would be the one asking but if I ask you can say no so I will just demand it." I told him everyone was looking over at us now Kushina was giggling behind her hand with my mum.

"WELL I REFUSE UNTIL YOU ASK NICELY!" Aw how cute he thought he had a choice better indulge him for now though because I didn't want our corpses decaying.

"Okay I will ask you nicely later now we have to go so say bye." I told him.

"Bye mum and dad I will remember what you said it was really great to meet you guys in person again." Naruto beamed at them and they embraced him smiling.

"We'll be watching over you always we love you very much." They told him kushina smiled at me briefly before kissing her sons forehead.

"Bye mum and dad. I won't disgrace the Uchiha name and I won't go all 'I must have revenge' unless its absolutely necessary." I told them stoicly.

"We're so proud of you darling." My mum told me with a smile giving me a brief hug.

"Yes." My father agreed shaking my hand.

"Bye Nagii Nii, Bye Pervy sage." Naruto told skinny redhead Nagato and his sensei. Hugging Nagato before Jiraiya embraced them lifting them up into the air.

"Bye Naruto Yahiko, Konan and I will be cheering you on I'm sure you will make the last book a success." Nagato smiled.

"Bye kid remember LUBE, USE IT, or your ass is gonna be as sore as hell." Jiraiya told him.

"Foolish little brother try not to be so foolish and look after Naruto and yourself okay? My head can not take me doing anymore face palms because of you. Remember all the things I have taught you over the years and..." He hugged me lifting me into the air, "I WUV YOU!" Itachi teased squeezing me with a laugh. Yepp he must have been on some kind of drugs up here.

"I WUV YOU TOO!" I squeezed him back trying to break his rib cage.

Lastly Neji came up to us, "Naruto I want you to give my messages to people, tell TenTen thank you for helping me survive the crazies and make sure they don't plait my hair in my casket. Tell Lee to keep fighting for the two of us and to please do something about his eyebrows. Tell Hiashi thank you for all the opportunities. Tell Gai thank you for breaking me out of my stuck up shell and for getting me so far. Tell Hinata thank you for being my cousin and always forgiving me even when I was a real jerk and that I will be watching over her family from here. Tell everyone in the least corny way I love them and to not be sad at my funeral but thankful I died as the best me I could have hoped for."

Naruto nodded sadly grabbing him in for a hug he looked shocked but smiled. I took Naruto's hand back in mine. "Goodbye everyone." Naruto said I nodded.

"WAITTTTTT!" Deidara screamed running up with... a bag of canned drinks? "There's going to be a hole where the Earth is visible right older Uchiha?" He asked.

"Yes..." Itachi said slowly. "Why do you ask?"

Deidara handed out the drink cartons, "Now when the rift opens up everyone throw this drink as hard as you can at Tobi's head." Everyone took their cans oblingingly.

"Continue." Deidara said with a wicked smile backing into Sasori's arms who had his own can.

"Goodbye." Naruto said again with a smile and we vanished I woke up groggily holding my head Naruto's hand still in mine Sakura crying over our bodies.

"Sakura that hurts." Naruto grumbled and we sat up he smiled at me and I smiled back. Sakura wept throwing her arms around us both.

"But how?" She gasped through tears.

"People who loved us very much gave us a second chance we'll explain later but right now I don't want to lose anyone else. Sasuke are you ready?" Naruto asked me and I saw Kyuubi smile and dive back into him.

"Yes dobe let's go." I told him his shadow clones formed around him and we raced up to Obito... just in time to see our fathers yanking Madara back to death.

"You go dad!" Naruto hollered I felt a presence behind me.

"You shouldn't let your guard down boys." An eerie voice said from behind us on the cliff me and Naruto whipped round Obito was behind us stretching out his hands when all of a sudden dozens of cans came pelting from the sky hitting him in various parts of his body he stumbled backwards.

A last 8 came pelting out and all hit him squarely in the face, "YOU GOT PWNED SUCKER!" Deidara cackled from the sky I smirked my appreciation and used Genjutsu to force him to dispell the Reanimation jutsu. Madara let out a horrific scream and fell to the ground the tentails began to crack down the centre.

"Naruto with your help please." A Rasen Shruiken flew towards us I added my amerterasu to it as it flew Obito towards the tentails it shattered into tiny pieces. Naruto and I raced over to it as the colours of the various beasts shot into the atomosphere as Obito lay dying.

"How did I lose? You were dead." He asked Naruto.

"Because Obito I believed in my comrades past the end and I love them purely I will never give up on them ever." Obito closed his eyes.

"I st- still -th -think I should have won." He muttered before his breath stopped completely.

"Some people never change." Naruto shook his head sadly about to walk off but I spotted something that stopped me.

"Naruto wait." I commanded bending to the floor with my blade I chopped off Obito's finger and removed the glinting thing that had caught my eye.

I got down on one knee in the rubble and Naruto smiled giving me his hand, "Naruto Uzumaki you have captivated me from the day you first challenged me and you have held my heart captive for many years will you be my husband. I will even come back to the leaf."

"Sasuke Uchiha you have been my only thought process for shippuden are proposing to me with the ring from my worst enemy even when you hated me you protected me so yes I will marry you. And you had better bloody come back to the leaf after all of this." He stuck his tongue out and I grinned and half the female population fainted I swooped Naruto into my arms pushing the ring on his finger (I had to push because Obito's hands were daintier than any girl's). I kissed him wrapping my arms around him as he ran his through the hair he loved to complain about.

The End.

Reminder:

Not actually high

YAY FOR COMIC CON

YAY FOR SASUNARU DAY

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